Hi again....

Yeah, so it takes this long for an offended, petulant brain/mind to come around..:) well...atleast in my case it took that long..As of today, it's a little less tantrum-free and a lot more willing to be vulnerable. And from here onwards i've decided to pay no heed to it anymore, but just continue to key in...

So what's on my mind today? A lot of things. We're moving apartments this weekend and really excited because, first of all, we simply adore the soon-to-be our new apartment. Secondly, it would be the biggest change of scene for me in the past year. In fact, it would be THE only change to have occurred since i quit my job last March to come to Toronto. I was just telling my husband this morning, that i can't believe all i did this last 1 year was shop for groceries, cook, clean, watch tv, read, sleep, repeat. All of my days looked alike. It was as if time stood still and i kept doing what i did, but to no real effect. Why not try for a job? Boy, if i had a penny for every application i sent....

I'm surprised because, somehow i imagined doing a lot more during this sabbatical. I was going to do a lot of real basic stuff that i didn't have time for in the last 5 years, like: get more sleep, moisturize my skin more often, drink more water, excercise more, read more, and so on. But, nah, didn't happen as much. These are little things, what about stuff that really matters, how often we tend to skip them only to look back years later and wish you had done them while you could, like: travel, learn a new language, change your career, dance, love n laugh more....

These things happen maybe coz we lack a plan, or the one in place is no good, ....or maybe we just assumed they'd happen somehow or the other, without even trying. Or, may be we're just lazy. Or, it is coz of all of the above. Whatever the reason(s), it is never pleasant to wake up feeling like time is passing you by and there's nothing you can do, that there's no purpose to get up and get dressed, that you're still in more or less the same place, mentally, physically, emotionally as last year. Or, worse: that there's no fresh vision birthed in you.

Pardon me if i sound grave, but it ain't. It's actually scary :) There comes a time in life when you are forced to review everything inside you and outside of you with the dreadful question "Where you heading?" hanging heavy over you. You want to look forward, surge ahead, have many an acomplishment under your belt, add another feather to your cap, move to a higher ground so to speak. But snapping back to reality you see yourself holding a ladel and staring at your pot of burnt onions, or something like that.

So the real question is how do you make the imagined less imaginary and more real? What i've realised is that, small moves count. Any small move, the mundane, the monotonous, the insipid, the boring, you get the idea, just do it (Looks like Nike was on to something there even before we may have realized :)). But with intention. Intentionality is the key to getting anything done, perhaps the key to living life itself. Joyce Meyer, a preacher i like to hear often, said something to the effect that you got to live life on purpose. So true, I couldn't agree more. Sad, but true. Sad because many merely survive and think this is life, and that's all there's to it. Mediocrity and 'default settings' are tolerated and incorporated. This is one wagon i sure want to fall off of!

So people, "Just do it!". You might be surprised, but it actually works. Just get cracking. That's how i finally got started with the packing well before my usual start time. I'm saying this more to myself: Don't ever wait for the 'feeling' to arrive to get stuff done. It's usually late.

So you crusty oven, mounds of unpacked boxes, and unfinished library books, here i come.

Lemme hide and please don't seek thankyouverymuch!!

Ok. So this blogging thing isn't taking off as expected. You see, even as i tuned into myself over the last few days, trying to settle on a topic that i would like to write about, i kept getting cut off-from myself. Yes. Non comprendo? I'll try as best as i can to explain this. What happened was that, each time i felt i was closing in on a topic to put up here, i found myself hitting this firewall so to speak, so that i didn't go very far thinking about it. So much so, that i sensed the presence of this filter even when i was merely thinking of what next to say to my sis on the phone ! Weird? No. Weird would be successfully keeping off the weight i lose. This, almost has an autoimmune-like quality to it.

It didn't take long to figure out what was really going on in me head--on some level there's this innate aversion to be fully known, to be audibly heard, to be clearly seen. It's as if i were a color i'd be the color of your background. If i were with you in a room, i'd be the key holder or the coat rack. I'd be the Madam Pomfrey of Hogwarts, the back-up vocals in a song, and the proverbial fly on the wall.
This phenomenon is getting more intriguing, and amusing, even i as write these things--my brains have just shut down and put up a 'Closed' sign. See what i mean? :). I don't think i can do much. It's almost like appealing to a relentless and somewhat offended government official:
Official: "Aaj office time khatam huan, bola na kal aao!".
Me: "Lekin abhi is blog entry ka ending baaki hain "
Official: "Toh? Office tho bandh huan na? Time dekh ke aao"
Me: "Please sir.."
Official: Ignores, maintains a stony silience and finally walks away from the desk.

Oh well, hope to conclude this post soon.....Better luck tomorrow perhaps? Or the day after...perhaps? Hmm?

Just arrived...

This is it. My very first blog! Since i've never been the kind to broadcast to my thoughts so often, this entry nearly ended after the last sentence :) It was only after much thought that i was able to continue. To say that thinking out loud on a public forum can be intimidating is an understatement. Anyway, with some courage, I've decided to go out on a limb and give this a shot. After all someday--when i'm older and not-so-grey--I imagine spending my time writing-when i'm not roller-blading, playing the piano, scaling mountains and doing a hundred other fun things (none of which i do right now, btw!). So i figured, why not start right now? Wouldn't hurt much, would it? So here's a first of, God-willing, many more to follow....

As far as what direction i'd like my blog to take, it's anywhere and everywhere! Yup, the theme is: the journey of life-my life, just like my url suggests. In time to come, hopefully, this space will paint you an honest picture of who i am, what i think, and in turn it'll tell me of your reactions to it.

So, on this note, i shall stop here for now. See you around soon...