Hi again....

Yeah, so it takes this long for an offended, petulant brain/mind to come around..:) well...atleast in my case it took that long..As of today, it's a little less tantrum-free and a lot more willing to be vulnerable. And from here onwards i've decided to pay no heed to it anymore, but just continue to key in...

So what's on my mind today? A lot of things. We're moving apartments this weekend and really excited because, first of all, we simply adore the soon-to-be our new apartment. Secondly, it would be the biggest change of scene for me in the past year. In fact, it would be THE only change to have occurred since i quit my job last March to come to Toronto. I was just telling my husband this morning, that i can't believe all i did this last 1 year was shop for groceries, cook, clean, watch tv, read, sleep, repeat. All of my days looked alike. It was as if time stood still and i kept doing what i did, but to no real effect. Why not try for a job? Boy, if i had a penny for every application i sent....

I'm surprised because, somehow i imagined doing a lot more during this sabbatical. I was going to do a lot of real basic stuff that i didn't have time for in the last 5 years, like: get more sleep, moisturize my skin more often, drink more water, excercise more, read more, and so on. But, nah, didn't happen as much. These are little things, what about stuff that really matters, how often we tend to skip them only to look back years later and wish you had done them while you could, like: travel, learn a new language, change your career, dance, love n laugh more....

These things happen maybe coz we lack a plan, or the one in place is no good, ....or maybe we just assumed they'd happen somehow or the other, without even trying. Or, may be we're just lazy. Or, it is coz of all of the above. Whatever the reason(s), it is never pleasant to wake up feeling like time is passing you by and there's nothing you can do, that there's no purpose to get up and get dressed, that you're still in more or less the same place, mentally, physically, emotionally as last year. Or, worse: that there's no fresh vision birthed in you.

Pardon me if i sound grave, but it ain't. It's actually scary :) There comes a time in life when you are forced to review everything inside you and outside of you with the dreadful question "Where you heading?" hanging heavy over you. You want to look forward, surge ahead, have many an acomplishment under your belt, add another feather to your cap, move to a higher ground so to speak. But snapping back to reality you see yourself holding a ladel and staring at your pot of burnt onions, or something like that.

So the real question is how do you make the imagined less imaginary and more real? What i've realised is that, small moves count. Any small move, the mundane, the monotonous, the insipid, the boring, you get the idea, just do it (Looks like Nike was on to something there even before we may have realized :)). But with intention. Intentionality is the key to getting anything done, perhaps the key to living life itself. Joyce Meyer, a preacher i like to hear often, said something to the effect that you got to live life on purpose. So true, I couldn't agree more. Sad, but true. Sad because many merely survive and think this is life, and that's all there's to it. Mediocrity and 'default settings' are tolerated and incorporated. This is one wagon i sure want to fall off of!

So people, "Just do it!". You might be surprised, but it actually works. Just get cracking. That's how i finally got started with the packing well before my usual start time. I'm saying this more to myself: Don't ever wait for the 'feeling' to arrive to get stuff done. It's usually late.

So you crusty oven, mounds of unpacked boxes, and unfinished library books, here i come.